翻译:《失去你以后》第34-52页

内容简介

　　《失去你以后》是英国女演员娜塔莎·麦克艾霍恩的作品。作者娜塔莎的丈夫马丁在她怀他们第三个孩子的时候，因心脏病突发而离世。没有任何心理准备的作者听到丈夫离世的噩耗后，不知道如何面对，因此决定以书信的形式记录下这段心路历程。本次翻译实践节选书中的第 34 到 52 页进行翻译。

　　翻译所选的内容，描写的是从作者娜塔莎的丈夫离世开始，到他们第三个孩子出世前一个月里的生活。作者使用了记叙的手法，加上大量的心理活动描写，再现了一个丧夫单亲妈妈的情感世界。

　　一开始，娜塔莎不愿接受这场飞来横祸。在她这段几乎绝望的日子里，两个似懂非懂的孩子、朋友、亲人、甚至是未曾相识的陌生人，都给予了作者莫大的鼓励和安慰。如今丈夫去世了，作者独自带着两个孩子，才发现生活没有想象的那么容易。生活里原本简单不过的琐事也能困扰作者。比如找人修电器、解决房产问题等等。

INTRODUCTION

　　AFTER YOU, is a book written by Natascha McElhone who is an English actress.

　　Accidentally，her  husband  died  of  heart  disease  when  she  was  pregnant  with  theirthird child. Unprepared for the news of her husband's death, Natascha was so grievedthat she was unable to face the harsh reality. Therefore, she made decisions to writedown her thoughts and feelings in a style of diaries to tell her husband what happenedin  the  days  without  him.  In  this  process,  page34  to  page52  were  chosen  to  betranslated.

　　The  text  I  translated  records  Natascha's  daily  life,  shortly  after  her  husband'sdeath  and  shortly  before  her  third  child's  birth.  Through  narration  and  added  withpsychological description, it represents the readers on a vivid picture of the author'scomplicated inner world.

　　At the beginning, it was difficult for Natascha to accept the unexpected calamitythat  her  husband  was  dead.  During  the  desperate  days,  her  naive  children,  friends,families as well as some strangers encouraged and comforted her. Without the help ofher husband, the author found that life was not easy because she had to settle with allthe troubles on her own. She was frustrated by simple trivial things such as findingengineers to fix the malfunctioning appliances and dealing with the problems of thehouse property.

目  录

　　内容简介
　　INTRODUCTION
　　翻译实践原文
　　翻译实践译文
　　Essay on Translation Practice
　　ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

　　翻译实践原文

　　From Page 34 to 52

　　Sunday July 27

　　I am flying into London—at last! I must have slept for a couple of hours as whenI woke I saw your face there and that usually means I have been out for a while.

　　Your beautiful, kind face will get me through anything and everything.

　　I  missed  you  in  New  York.  I  remember  we'd  vaguely  said  that  we'd  do  a  tripthere together soon. You loved NY; I think it could just about house your energy.

　　The  shoot  didn't  amount  to  very  much  in  the  end—just  'Hank'  and  'Karen'

　　wandering around the streets of NY to different locations—it was definitely your ideaof fun. After shooting on Friday we all went to dinner at a restaurant called WaverlyPlace,  which  is  a  place  I  could  imagine  us  curling  up  in  a  corner  of,  laughing,touching  and  talking,  talking,  talking.  It  wasn't  like  'going  out',  I  was  sort  ofembedded into the group—it felt like a continuation of the shoot. I don't think I couldhave faced it otherwise.

　　I padded down to the spa on Saturday a.m. before hair and make-up and sat in theJacuzzi. I imagined you sitting opposite me with rose petals scattered all around us asif we were back in Mexico with our future stretched out before us, when there wereonly flimsy surmountable obstacles in our way—you talking about and persuading meto have another, our very last baby…and look at me now.

　　After shooting in Union Square on market day, buying bread and sunflowers, wewrapped early.

　　I then ran down a couple  of blocks to David Von Ancken (director  of this lastepisode) and he'd managed to get me a ticket for Liam Neeson's one-man show in theBeckett Festival. It was a trilogy, but I could only see the first part before racing to theairport. Afterwards, Liam, who I don't know, gave me a big bear hug and said howsorry he was. He was incredibly genuine. He said he couldn't imagine it—he has twoboys;  his  expression  was  slightly  tortured.  Ralph  Fiennes  was  there  too,  and  said'sorry for your trouble' which is such an Irish expression; it sounded different therecoming from his lips. Everyone is so quiet and kind.

　　I felt like you today cramming in everything I possibly could and defying time. Ieven grabbed a drink with Susie before the matinee and she bought the boys a coupleof beautiful shirts.

　　Friday 1st August

　　We're at the cottage, which I know will make your heart sing.

　　The  boys have  pegged  downstairs  to  watch Blake  and  Mortimer, another  'you'

　　influence. Zappy is curled up at the foot of our bed, looking annoyingly entitled toeverything around her.

　　We  have  created  something  magical  down  here.  I  was  thinking  last  night  howmuch  you  had  completed  before  you  died.  I  wonder  if  I  am  able  to  keep  this  allgoing…The  electrics  aren't  functioning  properly,  so  the  fridge  isn't  working  at  themoment. In fact, nothing much is working. The same in London-BT, the internet, thetelevision, it's all malfunctioning. I had a flicker, a moment wondering, Is this howsouls make their exit? But I was snapped back to reality as I heard water hissing fromthe bathroom. You would have laughed so much, your wifelet standing there with anenormous bump and water jetting into her face and really not a CLUE what to do. I doknow now, though, you see, so you can stop grinning. I've learnt something! Eve'sJacques  showed  me  how  to  handle  'jet  streams‘…Perhaps  I'll  go  on  a  plumbingcourse and pack in a mechanics course too. Don't you think there should be a courselike that—just a week's crash course in how to be 'handy'?

　　I  feel  as  if  I  am  wasting  days  and  days  on  the  phone  to  BT  or  waiting  in  forelectricians, plumbers and people from the gas company. Life has become an endlessline of these secretive people with mysterious explanations; they can smell ignoranceand accordingly zeros keep getting added to the bill. I know this would never happenif you were here.

　　I  can  hear  the  boys  from  here—their  tinkling  laughs.  You  used  to  say  Theo'slaugh was like a church bell pealing.

　　Otie said the other day: 'My two favorite things about Dadu are that he marriedyou and that he had us.' I felt honoured!

　　I can't believe you are gone forever; this is fucking absurd. I have this insistentidea  that  you  are  peaceful.  I  would  have  imagined  you  to  be  SO  frustrated  ateverything  you  haven't  quite  finished  and  everything  you  are  missing.  I  know  notbeing  here  for  your  boys  must  be  agonising  and  not  even  meeting  number  three  isnothing short of fucking ridiculous…I've drifted now, staring out of the window into nature. Is that where the answerslie?

　　The electrician has arrived. My stomach is churning…

　　1a.m. same night

　　I'm still unable to sleep most of the time. I should probably try now whilst there'sstill time. I miss you indescribably. I can't believe this is forever, you not being here.

　　You are so much a part of me, of everything I could want out of life. Without you, it allseems inconceivable.

　　You are the best and the most anyone could ever wish for. You belong here, youwere born to live and live, what's happened? I keep thinking of your lips, you're mine,how mine you were, how you loved all of me. How is that even possible? But you did; Iwas truly loved by you. The most complete experience of my life was your love.

　　Saturday 2nd AugustWe've all woken late. I let the boys use the PlayStation, you must have boughtfor them whilst we were in LA. My god Theo thinks you are a psychic king!

　　We went over to Mark and Amanda's last night for a bbq. It was their Patrick's14th birthday—he had ten friends staying over. He and his friends entertained Theoand Otis for about four hours. They had an incredible time. We got back here at about10.30 p.m. and they conked out. It was another of these beautiful signs—how muchour number three is going to thrive having two older brothers. Thank god our littleone will have them if he can't have you.

　　So much of life is contemplating how I am going to keep all this going, how I canmake it work without you.

　　That stupid man (whom you never trusted) has needless to say not yet given mydeposit  back  on  the  rental  house  in  LA.  He  now  wants  to  charge  me  for  parts  andcleaning extras—arghhh! I can't tell you how much effort and expense was put intothe upkeep of that place.

　　I know none of this is about how the house was left. He even said when he cameto check it, I quote, 'Wow, you've left it in even better shape than when you took it!'

　　It's  some  strange  control  or  mind  game,  exerting  power  over  someone  he  sees  asdefenceless who might not notice. It's ugly and cruel and I'm shocked.

　　We just went to start the car to go and collect Roy from the train station and thebattery's dead! I'm so stupid. I left the lights on in the rush to carry the boys to bedlast night.

　　Oh god, how does everyone fit all this into their lives—cars, insurance, houseswhere everything malfunctions, the usual bills and then the other less usual demandsto join this or help with that, finding novel ways to make money which leaves almostnothing left for the boys. I keep having flashbacks to Jarndyce and Jarndyce passagesin  Bleak  House.  I  now  understand  the  terror  of  law  courts.  We're  the  three  littlepiggies and some huge fucking wolf is trying to blow our house down. I won't let ithappen. I feel both protected by you and totally exposed by the loss of you.

　　Then  there  are  WIRES…chargers  for  everything;  nothing  works  without  one.  Ikeep  these  wires  and  leads  crammed  into  an  Aladdin's  basket.  They  lie  in  wait  toconfuse me, coiled and viperous. I'm sure they all lead somewhere, somewhere goodeven. How will I ever find my way if I can't unravel them? I feel a grey dull ache inthe  pit  of  my  stomach,  a  portentous  feeling,  a  loathsome  feeling,  when  faced  withthese  normal  things  everyone  else  seems  to  understand  and  get  through.  Tell  me,  Imust shake myself into action, find a solution to this inertia. This intimidation must behormonal. Oh, Monkey, where are you?

　　Later the same day, 5 p.m.

　　Oh good, I feel different. It's bright sunlight. I'm sitting down finally. The boysare  tearing  about,  weaving  in  and  out  of  a  sprinkler  that  you  bought  for  them,shrieking with delight.

　　I want to start responding to all the incredible letters we've received about you. Ilove reading other people's versions of you, craning my neck, poring over every wordto  see  if  there  might  be  yet  another  revelation  about  you.  I  might  get  to  know  youeven more deeply in death. I am so proud of you. I feel so lucky to have been a part ofyour magnificent life.

　　Late night

　　I'm lying thinking ,yes, I can and will thrive again—I get that far. I imagine lifewithout you.

　　I  can't  relate  or  fully  hear  anyone  else  right  now  apart  from  you.  All  myinteractions  are  phoney,  convincing  to  a  point.  Now  I  realise  how  we  separatedourselves, us and maybe the boys too—I can relate to them but no one else yet.

　　I'm bumbling along, realising I can't really do anything practical. I have no ideahow to work your computer. It leaves me stymied. Whilst my hopelessness is exposedI   have   to   confess   everything…BT   internet   connection,   sky   TV,   music/sonosprogramme which is also embedded in your computer…it all feels so mysterious andinexplicable. I reach for various handbooks and feel immediately nauseous as I openthem. I know a film, a thick fog, will descend somewhere between me and the page.

　　My glaring incompetence—arghhh, I am pathetic!

　　I don't want to hear music right now. It makes me crumble—all the notes are sowrapped up in you—but perhaps I shouldn't be so selfish. I'm sure the boys wouldlike  to  whirl  to  the  thump  and  beat  of  something  loud,  some  'Black  in  Black'

　　perhaps…?

　　'Blackbird', that song you so desperately wanted me to sing at your 40th, and Icouldn't, I just couldn't do that for you. I would do it now, I would do ANYTHINGfor you now. I shan't be able to listen to that for a long time.

　　Everything's  throbbing,  not  only  my  eyes.  Veins  are  popping  out  everywhere.

　　The support tights help but I can't believe I've ten more weeks of this. It's ridiculousbut  it's  difficult  to  do  anything  physical,  stand  for  any  period  of  time,  walk,  runerrands,  etc.  It's  a  foretaste  of  old  age.  I  feel  disabled.  It  will  be  hard  to  bepermanently reduced to this one day. I am just thinking how much you would loathebeing incapacitated like this, thinking how it's good after all that you didn't half go,thinking yes, you died at the summit, you had the best of everything, your potentialwas realised.

　　Monday 4th August

　　I woke up dreaming of you at about 4 a.m. Sometimes I can still feel you, justabout, but all this is fading. How can it after only a few months? Perhaps I'm pushingall  these  sensations  away?  I  don't  have  time  to  live  in  this  realm  with  you,  thisdreamlike state I keep sacrificing sleep to be in. In our real life we had that—tumblingabout, literally fooling around as if we had all the time in the world. You MADE time,you  manipulated  it,  stretched  it  out  of  shape  to  suit  our  purposes;  you  never  madeanything between us feel rushed. We lay in baths to talk, rolled around laughing onour bed, talking always of our future; none of the mundanity of life seemed to seepthrough. Now life is only this trudge, this endless list of tasks, these 'to do ' lists thatafford me a moment's reprieve once I've written them only to realise seconds later Idon't  know  how  'to  do'  half  the  things  on  them!  I  KNOW  I  should  learn  how  tochange a tyre, but really honestly I just don't fucking want to …Oh dear, you married an incompetent!

　　I am finding some solace in the fact that no one seems able to crack through yourvastly complicated computer system.

　　I'm going to find a 'geek'. I remember you always predicting that geeks wouldone day rule the world. Well, my darling, they ARE about to rule my world…I feel embarrassed at seeming so lacking in independence. Somehow you can beindependent  by  being  interdependent  with  someone  else.  We  were  perfect  for  eachother in that way: we shaded in the colors the other person couldn't or didn't want to.

　　You  made  my  universe  so  much  of  what  it  was.  You  were  this  globe  beaminglight, pulsating energy.

　　Monday 11th August

　　It's very early, 4 a.m. again, dark. I woke with thoughts of you —what else? Itried to remember all the ways you touched me and live in hope I will be able to copyyou. You were an amazing lover. I want one of your 'squeeze the life out of me' hugswhere I'm in danger of being crushed or consumed by you.

　　How could this happen? Where are you?

　　I feel as if I am a big bear lost in a cave with no entrance or exit. Can humansunderstand death?

　　Your tiniest boy kicks life back into me. It's a fantastic feeling juxtaposed to thedesperate, howling emptiness left behind by you.

　　I've been raw and devastated about you for the last few days, unable to stem mysobs—weirdly, always when the boys are sleeping or out. There is a dam breaking—I'm doing my best with all this grief—it doesn't have to be so bad. When I think ofyou, even though it tears my heart out, it brings a kind of tranquility too. You are myhome, my port, my place. I love you, all of you, all over again and again. I won't boreeither of us with the logistical, financial, practical trauma sweeping over our lives; Ican't bear to give it more time and space than it's already inhaling. I will find a wayto make everything work.

　　This is challenging every weakness I have—every button I hate being pushed isbeing pushed, I am totally exposed and incompetent! I must go before the kids wakeup. I need to gather ammunition and intelligence for the solicitors this morning. Pray,my Monkey, this all turns out right.

　　Tues 12th August

　　Have  been  gathering  all  info  for  solicitors,  conversations  with  banks,  historystretching back eight years ago to when we bought our house. There was some case inthe press about a mother who had lost her husband. He hadn't left a will—they wereyoung—and it now fell upon the widow to sue her children in order to keep her house.

　　There  was  some  legal  loophole  that  left  this  as  the  only  option  for  her  not  to  loseeverything  in  trust  to  them  until  they  were  eighteen.  (They  are  a  baby  and  toddlernow.) The first solicitor I had suggested that this could be one of my options alongwith  other  fairly  bleak  options  which  go  against  everything  we  had  tried  to  plan.  Ihave been so stressed by this side of things since you died. I don't want to write aboutit as this is my time/space for switching an 'off' button on all of that and reaching outto you instead.

　　The  good  news  is  Robert  Craig  (new  solicitor)  has  a  road  we  can  now  traveldown with far less complication…Let's see. He inspires absolute faith in me and isvery human—he even loves the theatre!

　　There is endless other time-consuming crap. Have to write a letter to BT, no otherway to get a phone to work…

　　Here's my notes below, let me amuse or bore you up in your heaven…8/8/08 main phone line not working.

　　Technician had come previous Fri 1/8/08 and reported the line was perfect.

　　We  could  not  get  internet  access  either—they  accidently  took  the  broadbandoff—mixed  message.  'But  you  will  have  to  speak  to  a  separate  dept  about  all  ofthat…'

　　I had already settled a large bill for calls & engineer call-outs ?478.77 over thephone the week before on 28/7/08 visa card.

　　A page of notes re all calls & times made to BT on 8th & 9th August—a total of11hours spent waiting/holding/explaining whilst our little boys bounce off the walls.

　　Tried to arrange another appoint for engineer to come & chk exchange, fix ourphone. BT said they would call me straight back with an appoint , call not returned.

　　Finally 'their system went down' on Sat 9th –so we were unable to book a time foran engineer to come—arghhhh!

　　They said they would call me at 10.15 on Sunday, which they did, to arrange anappoint for Monday (ha-making progress…)

　　Engineer due to arrive between 8 a.m.—1 p.m. on Monday 11th August (I'm nowin London w boys to meet solicitors) so Tony was waiting for the BT man to callhim. They had all his contact details and mine and did not call or show up.

　　I am now in a queue attempting to reach Vishal Vidya who I made the appoint.

　　with on the phone. I have his pin, oh yes I do-2923!

　　He assured me I would be able to reach him through this no. very quickly and thatthe engineer would arrive without fail at the cottage today.

　　So far have been waiting listening to 'your call is important to us…' Oh, but no itfucking isn't—who recorded that? They're putting on a soft sort of psychiatrist'svoice, all concerned. How can you sound so earnest, so genuine, and not mean it?!

　　For 43 mins I have now been 'held in a queue'. I'm not being 'held’—BT, you haveno rights to use those words. You must change that recording to 'You are now beingdropped, dumped in a queue and we really couldn't give a shit what happens next…‘8.46 p.m. I spoke to Santosh finally who was unable to give me his surname. Thephone went dead. I wanted to cry, but I shall NOT because I am a grown woman. Ohfuck, come on, Natascha, none of this matters, just laugh, you MUST laugh.

　　I try again. I ask for Vishal as he was so understanding when we last spoke (evenif he did later betray me). I forgive him now, let's put it all behind us—to err ishuman—let's move forward and book a definitive appointment. Please, Vishal,answer your extension. I love you, you're the only one who understands theinterminable saga, can't, I just can't start all over again!

　　This is what happened with the man before Vishal:

　　I said by way of explanation: 'I think this has happened because I had to changethe name on the account…No, you can't speak to the original account holder, but Iam his wife…No, it's not possible, you see, he has actually, actually he's died.'

　　'I am so sorry, madam, for your loss. We will have to close the account down andopen a new account in your name. You might be able to retain this phone number. Iwill just check.'

　　YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME! (I didn't say that—I exhaled loudly.)

　　Keep calm, otherwise they'll hang up. Oh god, there's nothing I can do—again,even in this mundane situation, as with the colossal one, I am utterly powerless! Isthat why this urge to cry keeps rising back up? Where did I ever get the impression Ihad a handle on things…?

　　I am not allowed to speak to Vishal, even though that is his pin—he should nothave given it to me because the phone exchange is too large.

　　Another Santosh said that, yes, someone had been booked to come and check outthe phone line. He did not know what had gone wrong but would call me back on myLondon no. where I am now at 9.10 p.m. on 11/8/08.

　　It's 9.50 p.m.—we have an appointment between 1 p.m.-6 p.m. Friday 15thAugust to resolve the broadband problem.

　　That will be seventeen days of life on and off trying to resolve a tiny problem.

　　Angel, what will happen if there's a big serious fucking problem? How will I everjuggle all this? And also how is it that everything, I mean 90％of things, in ourhouse are malfunctioning? What, what, is going on?

　　I must sort everything out before the baby comes, just can't be drowning in this, Ineed all my energy for these cubs.

　　Another day in August

　　I have just switched on my computer and found emails I sent to your mother—isit awful to include her like this when she is struggling so much with her own grief? Oris it right, she won't be a lone ship in the night if I keep flashing my own dying torchher way?

　　28th August

　　I am very tired. I hate to admit this, but it is the truth. I don't feel I have enoughtime to think about you or what's happened—no time to cry even; it's too much of animposition. There's too much that needs to be done before that. I know how deeplyfrustrated  you  would  be  if  you  could  see  all  this  mess  and  you  were  so  carefulcompared to me. I would have left you in a far worse state. I'm trying to sort all thatout now. I think I might be nearing a solution, finding someone to rent or time—shareon the cottage. Simon Binder is helping—he's so selfless; people are amazing.

　　I'm going into the hospital for a quick growth scan now. It makes my eyes wellup every time I go into that place, that place where you worked so hard, where yourboys were born and then where you were pronounced dead…

　　Later

　　Everything was good on the scan; all the measurements were in the right place,etc.

　　I'm  back  at  home  after  getting  the  boys.  They  are  both  extremely  tired  andstroppy. I've come upstairs for a breather.

　　I miss you so much and just can't let any of this show in front of them. I mustremain like a rock they can crash against and I will be that, but I do need my momentswith  you,  my  thoughts  of  you,  these  memories.  I'm  still  using  you  as  a  source  ofwisdom  and  guidance.  Baby,  I  just  can't  believe  that  you've  gone,  that  you're  notcoming back. I think I only SEEM fully functioning because I carry you around or thelove and comfort I got from you still floats about me. The idea that you've gone is justtoo unbearable, too absurd, too impossible. You are my gorgeous man, that figure ofincredible vitality and vigour, of endless energy.

　　Tuesday 9th September

　　Oh baby I'm losing you. I'm getting used to this life of an automaton. There isnothing in between the tasks, the endless lists, the knowledge that there will be morelists, that things will continue to break, malfunction and need fixing again and again,and for some reason there seems to be an overwhelming amount of that and very littleresolution of it. Where are you? Where is the fun? Where is the reward, the hug, thekiss, that big warm shadow of you falling across me as you enter the room?

　　Are  you  slipping  because  this  is  the  longest  period  in  our  lives  that  we  wouldhave  been  apart?  Will you come back and surround me  again?  Are you around thechildren, can they feel you or is this it? No time for you to put a full stop on your life,to hug and press against us, to leave an imprint, to tattoo us with you.

　　I  suppose  your  DNA  has  done  that  for  you.  You  will  be  around  forever,  yourlikeness will infect us—scattered, treasured particles of you can be found in others. Iam grateful for that, but I want you, my love. You are ebbing away so quickly…ourbaby is not even here yet. Is that why, am I making room for him?

　　I'll be surrounded by people where I pretend, people who don't care at all—whyshould  they?  They  are  paid  to  help;  it's  just  a  job.  By  this  I  mean  useful,  essentialhelp—cleaner, babysitter, accountant, solicitor—all practical helpers, but there's thisline in red right across the page, as it should be: a professional transaction. I probablyhad an imbalance of love and passion fed to me before, that's why all this mundanityseems so bold and unbearably bright now. You smothered it before, coloured in allthat was grey; there was no space for that with you. Somehow it all got done whilstyou were dreaming music, puzzles, rhythms, jokes and adventures in your head.

　　I don't know where the boys' heads are about you. I can't push them. I want toopen a little trapdoor into their brains and see how it's all functioning. Can I explainanything  better,  piece  any  of  it  together  for  them.  The  evenings  are  crowded  andstressed  with  obligations,  having  to  reprimand  them  in  order  to  get  them  to  doanything. I hate being like this, inventing endless rules that they need to abide by andthen  promising  a  reward  for  the  tiniest  task.  I  want  to  leave  all  this  space  for  theirthoughts, feelings—anything they want to share. Instead this bureaucracy is crashingthrough,  rough,  aggressive  waves  of  it  churning  me  about.  I  want  to  be  lolling  andlying with you on an imaginary seabed somewhere, smiling bubbles.

　　One  of  your  patients  is  trying  to  'retrospectively  sue'  you,  well,  sue  me  now.

　　Apparently, no complaints before you died, I don't know the details yet—other thanshe has now approached the practice, dissatisfied with her result.

　　The guys said it will be dealt with by the MDU.

　　Saturday 13th September

　　My angel, it's only a month until your third little boy is due to arrive on this earth.

　　I can and will bear anything from here on. The throbbing of missing you drumson.  I  found  a  beautiful  birthday  card  from  you,  in  fact  it  dropped  out  of  this  diaryyesterday.  I  think  it  was  your  writing  and  feeling  for  me  which  choked  me.  I  feelblessed to have been loved by you—you gave me the best life, the best love, the mostheavenly pups.

　　翻译实践译文第 34-52 页

　　7 月 27 日 星期天

　　我终于飞回了伦敦。我想我必定昏睡了几个小时，因为每每我睡着时脑海总会浮现你的脸庞。

　　英俊、善良的你会陪伴着我一起喜怒哀乐。

　　我在纽约的时候，不禁想起你。记得你我曾初步定下不久后要一起去纽约度假。大抵因为你视纽约为养精蓄锐的好地方，你才如此喜欢纽约的吧。

　　那次拍摄最后也没拍什么大场景。也就是“汉克”和“凯伦”（美剧《加州靡情》里角色）在纽约的街道漫步——你一定喜欢这样的感觉。周五我们拍摄结束后，剧组在一家叫韦弗利小屋的餐厅共进晚餐。我情不自禁想象你和我坐在餐厅的角落里时而说说笑笑，时而拥抱。我已经完全沉浸于想象的童话里，还以为是在拍摄电影中的场景。如不这么幻想你在我身边，我恐怕没法面对你已不在的残酷现实。

　　星期六的上午，趁着还没做发型没化妆，我慢悠悠步行去做 spa。坐在按摩浴缸里，我幻想对面坐着的是你，玫瑰花瓣撒满水面，我们俩好似又回到了墨西哥。你我之间唯一的分歧仅仅是你想让我再生一个孩子，我们俩的最后一个孩子。除此外，摆在眼前的是相濡以沫的未来。瞧我现在正怀着我们第三个孩子……

　　赶集之日，剧组在联合广场拍摄结束后，买了点面包和向日葵，早早便收工了。

　　后来，我穿过几个街区，找到上一集的导演大卫·凡·安肯，他帮我搞到一张连恩·尼森在贝克特节的个人专场的票。由于我得赶去机场，只来得及欣赏三部曲的第一部。后来，连恩给了我一个大大的拥抱，对我丈夫的不幸深表遗憾。他说他难以想象我该怎样面对这样的事，而我们还有两个孩子。尽管我与连恩素不相识，但他却很真挚。雷夫·范恩斯当时也在，他操着一口爱尔兰音对我说，“很遗憾听到这样的不幸”。从他唇齿间说出来的音听着有点奇怪。

　　大家没有太多言语，静默中却满溢着友善。

　　时间好像倒退到了过去，仿佛今天你一直在我身边。我和苏茜在午后场开始前喝了一杯，她还给孩子们买了几件帅气的衬衫。

　　8 月 1 日 星期五

　　我和孩子们现在住在乡间别墅，我猜如果你在，一定会倍感幸福。

　　孩子们下楼去看《布莱克和莫蒂默》了，这是受了“你”的影响。“淘淘”蜷坐在我们床尾，颐指气使地傲视周遭。

　　我们曾在这儿完成了一些不可思议的事情。昨晚我还在想，离开前你又做了多少的事情哦。我能否继续维系下去吗。

　　家里断电，冰箱不运作了。实际上，正常运转的东西很少了。在伦敦，电话、英特网、电视都停止工作了。“是你灵魂的造访所导致的吗？”我突发奇想。

　　直到浴室里嘶嘶的水声把我拉回现实。如果你还在，你一定会嘲笑我现在的样子：狼狈地站在巨大的水坑里，水管喷得满脸的水，还有点不知所措。而现在，你不用嘲笑我了，我知道该怎么处理这样的状况了。伊芙家的雅克教我如何处理水管爆裂。或许，我会去学习管道和机械维修。你说，有一周把人培养得心灵手巧的特别训练吗？

　　我感觉我浪费了许多时间给电信公司打电话，或是一直在等待电工、水暖工人或是燃气公司的人来维修。生活像一团剪不断理还乱的乱麻，我不知道明天谁会来修理什么，他们又会说些什么天书一样听不懂的术语。他们利用我的无知，让账单上的数字不断增加。我知道，如果你在，一切都会不一样。

　　我听到孩子们清脆的笑声，你说过，西奥的笑声像教堂的钟声。

　　有一天，奥蒂斯对我说，“爸爸娶了你，生下我和弟弟，是爸爸这辈子做的最酷的事了。”我感到非常荣幸。

　　我不愿相信你已经永远走了。这是个该死的玩笑，我一直认为你隐忍，话语不多。我能想象，你曾因为自己不能很好完成一件事，或者错失了机会而失望沮丧。我知道，你因为不能陪伴自己的孩子而倍感痛苦，而且你甚至没能见到我们即将出世的第三个孩子。这是老天和我们开的多么可恨的玩笑呀

　　望着窗外的风景，我的灵魂早已不知所踪。窗外，是我要的答案的所在吗？

　　电工到了，我的胃却开始翻腾……凌晨 1：00

　　大多数时候我还是难以入睡。离天亮还早，我还是应该尽可能尝试入睡。

　　我不可名状地想你，我不能相信你已经永远离开，你是我的一部分，是我生活追求的一部分。没有你，生活的一切都失去意义。

　　你是我梦寐以求的完美情人。你属于这里，你应该能活很久，到底发生了什么？我不能自已地想念你的嘴唇，想着你是我的全部，想着你对我的爱。又不禁沉思，我何德何能让你如此爱我。过去确是如此，你深深的爱，才完整了我的人生。

　　8 月 2 日 周六

　　今天，我们睡过头了。孩子们在玩游戏机，是你在洛杉矶时买给他们的。

　　西奥居然相信你会心灵感应

　　昨晚马克和阿曼达邀请我们参加帕特里克的十四岁生日聚会。我们一起去户外烧烤。帕特里克的十个朋友在他家过的夜。他们和西奥、奥蒂斯玩了近四个小时。孩子们肯定很愉快。我们回家时，已经晚上 10 点半，孩子们一回来就累趴下了。

　　我暗自庆幸，虽然我们未出世的宝贝享受不到你的父爱，但还好有两个大哥哥陪着他。

　　我的人生不过是沉思如何度过没有你的明天。

　　那个你从未信任过的家伙，就像你想的那样，还没把洛杉矶租房的押金还给我。他现在竟然还想向我索要部分押金和清洁费。我都记不清这栋房子的维修已经花费了我多少精力和费用。

　　我知道这跟房子的状况无关。他来检查房子时甚至说：“哟，房子现在比以前好多了嘛”他得了便宜还卖乖。对付我这种孤立无缓的人，他欺人太甚的手段极其残忍恶心，我为之震惊。

　　我们准备到火车站接罗伊，偏偏汽车蓄电池没电了我居然这么粗心，昨晚车灯都没关就匆匆抱孩子去睡觉了。

　　天哪，别人都是怎么处理他们生活中的琐事的——汽车，保险，房子等等，事事不如意。平日里的账单和意想不到的差使，我该如何寻找新的赚钱方式而免得让孩子和我一起受苦呢。我时常想起《荒凉山庄》里詹狄士告詹狄士一案。

　　如今我算是体会到法庭的恐怖了。我和孩子们就是三只小猪，总有些居心叵测的坏蛋想吹倒我们的房子。我不会任这样的事发生。我觉得被你保护着，但又暴露在没有你的空气里。

　　生活如一团纷乱的麻线，相互拧结。我索性把这团乱麻塞在阿拉丁魔毯里。

　　它们缠在一起，随时可能困扰我。不管我身处何处，我确定它们会阴魂不散地跟着我。倘若我没法打开这个结，我将永远找不到自己的人生轨迹。胃开始隐隐作痛，泛起恶心，我突然感到忐忑不安。别人好像都能理解看穿这些寻常不过的事，我却做不到。请你告诉我，我必须得付诸行动，克服对你的依赖。我这样逼迫自己，一定是荷尔蒙在作祟。马丁，你到底在哪儿。

　　下午 5:00

　　现在感觉还不赖，一切都不一样了，阳光也明媚多了。我坐了下来，看着我们的孩子，东奔西跑，在你买给他们的洒水车上进进出出，兴奋地尖叫。

　　我打算开始回复我收到的所有关于你的各种信件。我喜欢阅读别人对你的描述。我伸长我的脖子，仔细浏览每个词，生怕错过关于你的一点一滴。失去你以后，我对你的了解反而更多更深了。我为你感到骄傲，庆幸自己曾是你生活里重要的一部分。

　　深夜我躺着在想，是的，我能、并且也会重新振作。我想象着没有你的生活，回头看看，我走过的路竟也那么远。

　　至今，除了你的，我听不进别人的话。我所有的交流都是违心的。我现在意识到我们还有孩子们是多么的孤立。除了我，他们也不会听任何人的话了。

　　一直以来，我都那么笨拙，我发觉自己什么都做不好。不知道怎么使用你的电脑，连它都令我备受阻挠。当我的无助感急剧膨胀时，我不得不承认这一切……电信网络连接，天空电视台，你电脑里安装的音乐软件……这些玩意既神奇又费解。我看了各种各样的说明书，后来连翻都不想翻。我对说明似懂非懂。突然挫败感涌上心头，我太无能，太差劲了。

　　此刻，我不敢听音乐。因为音乐醉人心，每句歌词都关于你。而我不能这么自私，孩子们一定会跟着《回到黑暗》这样狂野响亮的音乐雀跃起来。

　　你希望我在你 40 岁生日时为你唱《黑鸟》，我却连这点小事也没为你做。

　　我欲唱给你听，欲为你做任何事，而你却不在。今后很久的一段时间我都不会再听《黑鸟》。

　　万物生机勃勃，我却立盹行眠，浑身青筋暴起。我简直不敢相信自己连续穿了十多个星期的提臀裤袜了。虽然有点用，但干活，长时间站立，步行都吃力得有点不可思议。一定是我老了。我发现自己行动迟缓，暗自感叹无可奈何花落去。你不会喜欢慢慢变成明日黄花的感觉，或许你窃喜在年富力强时离开。

　　在生命怒放之时、坐拥世界之际毁灭，方可得永恒。

　　8 月 4 日 星期一

　　凌晨四点，从有你的梦里醒来。我仍想念你，但情随事迁，失去你才不过数月，回忆却已经淡了也许我在逃避对你的思念。我不能一直浑浑噩噩地沉浸在关于你的白日梦里，生活总得继续。你离开前，我们吵吵闹闹，无所事事，以为我们有用不完的时间，以为会永远快乐地生活下去。你很懂得计划时间，所以我们完成了我们俩的小梦想。日子过的井井有条。柴米油盐的平凡日子里，我们躺在浴缸里谈心、笑着在床上嬉戏、畅谈我们的未来……生活如牛负重。

　　我看了那些曾让我片刻轻松的计划，我居然有一半都不会做我知道，我必须得学会做这些事情。可是，说实话，我真的不想学。

　　亲爱的，你娶了个一无是处的老婆。

　　你的电脑系统复杂得无人能解，这让我宽慰了不少。

　　我希望能找到个极客。记得你总说，极客总有一天会统治世界。好吧，亲爱的，他们将统治我的世界……对别人超强的依赖，我无地自容。不知怎的，你可以在社交时独挡一面。

　　我们俩取长补短，如此想来，我们对彼此再适合不过了。

　　你是我的宇宙，我的明灯，更是我的正能量。

　　8 月 11 日 星期一

　　依旧是凌晨四点，夜很黑，我依然在有你的梦里醒来。我试图记住你的点点滴滴，然后变成另一个你。你是个了不起的爱人。我怀念你那紧紧的拥抱，哪怕把我压得喘不过气来。

　　不过白日做梦罢了。你又在何处。

　　我像只大熊，被锁在没有出口的笼子里。人类是不会明白死亡的。

　　我们最小的宝贝轻轻踢了下我肚子，这种感觉和绝望一样神奇，失去你之后的空虚烟消云散。过去的这段日子，失去你的切肤之痛逆流成河。这种悲痛在孩子们睡着或者不在家时尤为强烈。忧伤袭上心头——我努力调整情绪，因为我大可不必如此。想你时，撕心裂肺，内心却异常平静。有你的地方就是家，你是我的避风港。我爱你，爱你的全部，一直爱到海枯石烂。我不会让家务、经济、病痛成为生活负担。尽管我无法在这类琐事上花更多时间精力，但我会尽所能找到每件事的解决方法。

　　这是对我缺点的一次考验。我不喜欢任人摆布的感觉，媒体的曝光，让我感到孤独无助。今早我得把搜集的论据情况交给律师。我必须在孩子们醒之前出门。亲爱的，你要保佑一切好起来。

　　8 月 12 日 星期二

　　资料给律师了，也和银行谈过了，时光仿佛回到八年前买房子时。媒体曾报导过带着孩子的母亲丧夫的前例。因为英年早逝，她丈夫没有来得及留下遗嘱。而今，那个寡妇不得不告状自己的孩子，以此来保住房子。法律存在许多漏洞，如果她不想在孩子们 18 岁前失去一切，就只能这么做。如今两个孩子小的还在襁褓中，大的也才蹒跚学步。我的第一个律师对我说，这也是我的选择之一，而其他的方案也与我们的规划背道而驰。自从你离开后，我对这些事情焦虑不安。我不想写这些，对我来说，此刻是按下生活的“停止”键，与你共度的美好时光。

　　好在罗伯特·克雷格（新律师）提出了一条简便得多的方案，试试看吧。

　　他鼓励我要坚信我们可以的。巧的是，他居然也喜欢戏剧。

　　没完没了的破事等着我处理。我得写信给电信公司，此外没有办法可以让电话重新工作。

　　下面是我记的备忘录，你在天堂里读着消遣一下。

　　08 年  8 月 8 日电话主线坏了。技术人员在上周五刚来检查过，说电话线没问题。

　　网线连不上，他们不小心拆了宽带，又对我说，这得找其他部门解决。真是自相矛盾。

　　在这周，7 月 28 日还款日之前，我通过电话还清了电话费和维修人员工资，总共 478.77 英镑。

　　8 月 8，9 日  孩子玩得兴高采烈的时候，我花了11 个小时等待、办理、并解释电信公司公司的电话单和时间单。

　　又试着预约维修师来检查修理电话，电信公司说过预约后他们会直接打电话给我。事实上，他们根本没回复。

　　后来，他们的系统崩溃了——我便无法预约维修人员—哎。

　　他们说星期天 10：15 会打电话给我，他们也确实找我了，却又把维修时间延后了一天。（总算有些起色……）

　　维修人员在 8 月 11 日星期一上午 8:00 到下午 1:00 过来，（我现在和孩子们在伦敦见律师）托尼在家等电信公司的工作人员打电话来。电信公司有我和托尼的联系方式，却没有给我打电话。

　　我在等着联系上维沙尔·维迪娅，我之前和他预约过了。我有他的分机号，哦，对就是这个——2923。

　　他向我保证打通这个号码，我就能很快找到他，维修人员今天也一定会去别墅修理。

　　目前为止，我听到的一直是“我们很重视您的来电”。天哪，是压根不重要吧——谁说重要的？他们电话录音里的声音是那么温柔，听上去热心真挚，到真正处理事情的时候，态度却截然相反。43 分钟过去了，电话仍未接通。电信公司，我不是你的奴隶，你不配说重视顾客的来电，你真该把录音改成：你谁啊你，爱排不排，跟我没一毛钱关系。

　　晚上 8:46，我最终与一个叫桑托什的人通了话，他甚至没来得及告诉我他姓什么。我电话断了就想哭。但我不能哭，因为我是个成熟的女性。我对自己说，加油，娜塔莎，没什么大不了的，微笑吧你必须笑着面对

　　我还得找维沙尔帮我，即便他令我失望过，但他上次谈话中他表现得还是善解人意的。我原谅他了，将上次的事抛之脑后——谁都会犯错——我得主动出击，再正式预约一次。维沙尔，请你接电话呀。我欢喜你，因为你是唯——个理解我唠叨的人，求求你，我实在没有勇气再来一次。

　　这是在与维沙尔之前的那个客服的对话。

　　我跟他解释：“我想这一切都是因为我把账户上名字改掉了，你无法和原账户持有人交谈，但我是他的妻子，不，你真的不可能和他去谈，因为，他去世了。”

　　“对于您丈夫的死，我感到很抱歉，我们必须关闭您丈夫原有的账户，再以您的名义开通一个新账户，你也许可以保留原来的电话号码，我要确认一下。”“你在耍我”我在心里骂。但话到嘴边又咽了回去。

　　我要保持冷静，不然他们会挂我电话。噢，天哪，我又束手无策。平时遇到厉害的对手，我都无力对付，更别说这样棘手的情况了。我现在欲哭无泪。

　　回忆过去，我是不是真的什么麻烦也没解决过。

　　我照着沙尔的号码打过去，但还是没有联系上他—公司客服太多了，他压根没必要告诉我这个号码。

　　一个叫桑托斯的人说，已经约了维修人员去我家修电话线。之后的情况他并不清楚，但他答应我到时候会打我伦敦的电话。现在是 2008 年，8 月 11 日，晚上 9：10。

　　晚，9:50,8 月 15 日，星期五下午 1:00~6:00，预约修宽带。

　　处理这么个小问题，竟拖了 17 天。谁能告诉我，如果天将降大任于我，会怎么样？我该怎么做？要是家里 90％家具都出故障，又会怎样。

　　孩子出世前，我得办妥所有事。我不能把精力浪费在这类琐事上，孩子们还需要我照顾。

　　八月的一天。

　　我一开电脑，看见我给你妈妈发的邮件——要挨过丧子之痛，她一定很难受。或许，如果我是微弱的光芒，在她身边偶尔闪烁下，她就不是漆黑的夜里形单影只的小舟了。

　　8 月 28 日

　　我很累，虽然不想承认，但真的很累。我没有时间想念你或者回顾究竟发生了哪些事——甚至连哭的力气都没有。生活已经不容易了。此前，需要我做的太多太多了。如果你看到如今一团糟的生活，我想细心能干的你定会陷入深深的沮丧。我甚至可能留给你更糟糕的状况。现在我试着搞定所有事。我想到了解决方法，找个人合租或分时享用我们的别墅。西蒙宾德一直在帮我——他的无私，令我超级感动。

　　我要去医院做产检，每每踏进医院，我的泪水止不住往下掉。这是你曾艰苦工作的地方，是孩子们出生的地方。后来，也成了宣布你死亡的地方。

　　续。

　　胎儿很健康，胎位也很正。一切安好。

　　接到孩子们后，我回到家。他们累坏了，可还是难以应付。我上楼休息了会。

　　我从未在孩子们面前表现过对你的朝思暮想。我必须像石头一样坚硬，有朝一日我确将那般顽强。但我仍需与你独处的时候，想着你，念着你。你于我，是智慧的来源，黑暗里的明灯。亲爱的，我无法接受你的离开，更不能接受和你的生死别离。我只是看起来能干了，那也因为有你陪伴我左右，爱着我，安慰着我。我受不了别人说你离开了，听上去多么可笑。你明明还在我身边。你是我帅气的老公，永远的朝气蓬勃的老公。

　　9 月 9 日 星期二

　　亲爱的，你逐渐离我远去。我习惯于自动化的现代生活。任务和清单没完没了。我知道清单会越积越多，家里的电器还会坏掉，需要一次又一次修理。

　　由于某种原因，似乎出故障的事物很多，能处理的少之又少。你在哪儿？生活的乐趣又在哪？回报呢？你的拥抱和亲吻呢？还有你跨进这间屋子高大温暖的背影呢？

　　你是不是已悄然离开，因为这是我们人生中最长久的一次离别。你还会回来吗？——有你陪伴左右的温度——还会回来、回到我身边吗？你是不是守护着孩子们？他们会感受到你么？你没有时间停下脚步、久久拥抱我们不肯松开，在我和孩子心中留下你深深的烙印。

　　我想，你的基因代替你留在这个世界。从此，你无处不在，有无数个你出现在我们的生活中——连陌生人身上都藏着你细小可贵的品德。我甚是感激，可我还是想念你，我最亲爱的，你我之间，渐行渐远。我们的宝宝还未出生，我是否应该将对你的爱转移到宝宝身上吗。

　　我还得强作欢颜应对身边的人，他们一点也不关心我。——他们也没必要。

　　他们做的是帮助别人的工作，一份工作而已。像清洁工、保姆、会计、律师这些生活中必不可少的行业，自始至终有一条看不见的鸿沟：他们与顾客之间是利益关系。大概是因为我以前受到的待遇总是热情亲切的，现在却吃闭门羹，觉得如今世界显得荒谬又黑暗。和你一起时，你听着音乐，玩着拼图，哼着旋律，讲着笑话，幻想着冒险，一切很安逸的样子。原来社会的灰色地带一直存在着，只是你在我面前闭口不谈。

　　我不了解、也无权干涉孩子们对你的记忆。我多想潜入孩子们大脑，知道他们在想什么。我能向他们解释清楚么，能为他们把零碎的记忆拼完整么？为了让他们做某件事，每个夜晚都在忙碌，因为我背负着教育他们的责任和有时候不得不训斥他们的压力。我讨厌像现在这样，制定无穷无尽的规则。然后为了完成一个小小的任务，不得不给点小恩惠。我想留给他们自由思考、感受的空间——他们愿分享的任何事。可是这种冷酷的制度却让我的内心回忆倒塌。

　　我愿与你变成鱼儿，畅游在海底，惬意地朝着海面吐泡泡。

　　你生前的一个病人想要追溯控告你，我说要告就告我吧。显然，在你过世前，没有任何投诉。我还不知道细节，只晓得她不满意治疗结果，已经在采取相关措施。

　　她说她要通过 MDU(Medical Defense Union )来解决这个问题。

　　9 月 13 日 星期六

　　我的天使，再过一个月，我们的第三个孩子就要呱呱落地。

　　我会坚强地承受一切苦痛。我对你的思念，已成海。昨天，从日记本里掉出来一张漂亮的生日贺卡，这是你曾经送我的。你在贺卡上写下的温暖的话语和言辞间流露的真挚的情感，让我哽咽了。被你爱着的我倍感幸福——你赐予我最美好的年华，最无私的爱，还有最可爱的孩子们。

　　Learning in Translating

　　1. Introduction

　　I have learned that translation is a process which leads people from one world toanother after four-year studies of translation theory and practice. Translation, it is thatopeneth the window, to let in the light; that breaketh the shell, that we may eat thekernel; that putteth aside the curtain, that we may look into the most holy place; thatremoveth the cover of the well, that we may come by the water. (Alfred W. Pollard,Qtd  in  Gu  Xueliang&  Li  TongLiang,  2009).  I  have  developed  great  interest  intranslation for its unique strength which endows the original text with soul and life.

　　Therefore, I decide to choose translation practice as my final paper.

　　It is a challenging task to find a book which is most tailored to me. I have threestandards when I select a book for my translation practice. First of all, I must be surethat the book I select has not been translated into Chinese by any other scholars before.

　　Secondly, the content of the book should cater to my interest. What's more, the bookshould  be  well  fit  to  my  translation  ability.  At  the  beginning,  I  found  an  appealingbook which states a detective story. I was fond of this novel for its attractive story lineand concise expressive style. But after much reflection, I did not take it into accountsince  I  read  few  detective  novels  before  and  was  not  familiar  with  lots  of  relatedinformation. There are indeed quite a few excellent latest literatures on Amazon.com.

　　Unfortunately, these books have not been introduced to China because they have notbeen  published  in  other  countries  yet.  Accidentally,  my  roommate  recommendedAFTER  YOU  which  measured  up  to  all  the  given  standards.  I  finally  decided  totranslate AFTER YOU as my final paper.

　　At the first sight of AFTER YOU, I mistakenly considered it as an easy originaltext  for  its  easy  words  and  easy  sentence  patterns.  However,  it  is  in  fact  relativelydifficult  for  me  to  translate.  I  looked  through  the  book  to  basically  know  what  thebook  was  telling  about.  On  the  basis  of  understanding  the  book,  I  tried  to  read  thewhole book again with author's complicated feelings. This time, I looked up unknownwords in dictionaries and wrote down their original meanings. As far as the words Icould  not  find  in  the  dictionaries,  I  accessed  them  to  relevant  information  online.

　　Then  I  made  up  my  mind  to  translate  the  text  from  page  34  to  page  52  because  itdescribes the most suffering days for Natascha, shortly after her husband's death andshortly before her third child's birth.

　　AFTER  YOU  is  written  by  Natascha  McElhone  who  is  an  English  actress.  Herhusband died of heart disease when she was pregnant with their third child. Nataschatold her husband Martin about her feelings and the daily life after Martin's death in astyle  of  diaries  because  she  was  unable  to  accept  the  brutal  truth.  In  this  book,  theauthor told her husband Martin about her unspeakable grieves, miss and the growthsof  their  children.  She  also  told  Martin  how  the  whole  family  spent  the  long  dayswithout the companion of him and how they started a new life later.

　　The  text  from  page  34  to  page  52  which  I  translated  narrated  the  time  whenNatascha  was  immersed  in  deep  sorrows  for  her  husband's  death  at  first.  Her  twonative children, Otis and Theo, and her friends comforted and encouraged her in thosetough days. But as the only breadwinner of the family, she had to shoulder the burdenof life such as solving the problems of house property, appointing engineer to come tofix their phone, taking care of two children and of course making money and so on.

　　Since I had decided which part I would translate, I read this part for another two times.

　　After reading the part for the second time, I started translating it.

　　2. Problems and solutions

　　During my first translation, though I had known all the original meanings of thewords,  I  had  no  idea  of  their  appropriate  meanings  in  the  given  sentences  andparagraphs. So I analyzed a large number of cases of the word and rethought what theauthor intended to convey by using this word. By numerous comparisons, I shall besure  which  was  the  best  version  and  could  be  written  down.  I  had  difficulties  ingrasping the meanings of some proper names of English-speaking country. I searchedthem on the Internet over and over again, but only to find no results. Take MDU as anexample, I found four different meanings of it on the Internet .The four versions wereMultiple Dwelling Unit, Management Data Unit, Multi-link Trunking , and MessageDecoder Unit which were not related to what the author was talking about and weretotally unsuitable to the original. It forced me to encourage myself to ask a friend whowas studying in England. She told me that in England, MDU means Medical DefenseUnion.

　　During  my  translation,  a  major  obstacle  was  that  many  sentences  could  beunderstood  but  not  explained  in  words—especially  the  simple  sentences  whichconsisted of several easy words. These sentences were easy to understand but couldhardly be described in Chinese. Every time I was confronted with such sentences, Icould  do  nothing  but  read  the  sentence  again  and  again  until  I  got  an  inspiration.  Iwrote down all the different versions in my mind and chose the best one by contrast.

　　If I still could not find the best translation, I would underline it and seek suggestionsfrom  my  supervisor  and  friends.  For  example,  Everyone  is  so  quiet  and  kind.  (P5)

　　This  sentence  is  composed  of  only  seven  easy  words  and  it  is  easy  to  understandliterally.  At  first,  I  translated  it  into  “但每个人沉默而友好”  after  consideration.

　　However,  this  version  is  not  able  to  deliver  people's  mixed  feelings—they  want  toexpress their sorry for the death of Natascha's husband and solace her but can find noappropriate words. Afterwards, I took my supervisor's suggestion and changed it into “大家没有太多言语，静默中却满溢着友善。”It reads smoother now and is true of Chinese.

　　Another major obstacle is the translation of the notes from page 45 to page 48.

　　AFTER YOU is made up of letters to the dead husband from a wife and it is recordedin  the  form  of  diaries,  so  the  writing  style  is  straightforward  just  as  the  ordinarydialogues  between  husband  and  wife.  I  would  have  polished  the  words  to  make  itmore official. But after a good deal of contemplation, I changed my mind as a resultand tried to respect the author's intention and writing style. Therefore, I translated thispart  by  using  oral  and  random  words  which  were  consistent  with  the  original.  Forexample, You must change that recording to 'you are now being dropped, dumped inthe  queue  and  we  really  couldn't  give  a  shit  what  happens  next…'  (P12).  My  firstversion is “你应该对录音这样修改：尊敬的客户您好，您正在被我们赤果果地抛弃中，您慢慢在队伍里排着吧，但是接下来无论发生什么，本公司不承担任何法律责任。”My final version is “你真该把录音改成：你谁啊你，爱排不排，跟我没一毛钱关系。”  This  note  was  written  down  after  the  author  failed  to  call  BT  forseveral  times.  According  to  my  point,  the  final  version  is  more  oral  and  exactlyexpresses the author's anger. It is more possible that a helpless and frustrated womanwho had just lost her husband seems irritated and says “你谁啊你，爱排不排，跟我没一毛钱关系”,rather than as calm as the attitude in the first version.

　　After  solving  the  above  problems,  I  finished  my  translation  on  the  whole.

　　Modification is also an indispensable step which is as important as translation in thelong  process  of  translation  practice.  I  read  my  translation  for  another  time  andcorrected the errors on my own. As far as those problems I was still not able to settle,I read the whole page related with the unsolved sentence and made practical use ofmy knowledge in basic translation methods and skills, and then guessed the meaningof the sentence.

　　Last but not least, I asked my classmates and friends to read my Chinese versionand  find  the  awkward  expressions  in  my  translation.  Some  of  them  recommendedCNKI to me and this  powerful  web lightened  my work load and provided me withvaluable  inspiration.  My  supervisor  also  helped  me  a  lot  with  my  translation.  Hemodified  my  translation  word  for  word  and  gave  me  a  lot  of  useful  suggestions  topolish  it.  I  am  grateful  to  all  of  them  for  cutting  their  time  to  help  me  with  mytranslation. However, I still have a long way to go and my tasks are still formidable,so I must spare no efforts to polish my translation in the next few days.

　　I  felt  that  the  course  of  translation  was  long  and  arduous  from  this  personalexperience,  but  it  offered  an  opportunity  for  me  to  understand  and  apply  thetranslation theories and skills I had learned.

　　3. Translation methods

　　There is no doubt that using translation methods appropriately plays a key role intranslation. It is necessary for us to have knowledge of common translation theoriesand methods for the reason that practice is always carried out under the guidance oftheories. The effect of translation will be utterly different if translators use differenttranslation methods. The right use of translation skills will make readers understandthe original easily and the wrong use of them will confuse readers.

　　3.1 Conversion of parts of speech

　　To deal with the translation of some nouns, I prefer conversion of parts of speechto any other methods. As two highly-developed languages, Chinese and English havetheir own distinctive features and forms. They are similar and dissimilar to each otherin  terms  of  grammar,  lexical  and  textual  levels.  Therefore,  keeping  the  style  of  theoriginal and expressing smoothly in Chinese seem definitely difficult. To solve theseproblems, I made use of the method of conversion in translation such as convertingnouns of English into verbs and adjectives in Chinese and vise versa. Conveying themeanings in the converse side is more reasonable on account of the different ways ofspeaking and thinking between Chinese and English.

　　3.2 Division

　　To handle the translation of some long and difficult sentences, I am inclined touse the method of division. One crucial step of division is to divide the long sentenceinto  several  parts  according  to  its  meaning  and  structure  until  each  part  consists  ofwords, phrases and clauses that can not be separated any more. These parts are word-groups and we call them “意群” in Chinese. After dividing the sentence into variousword-groups,  I  changed  orders  of  them  in  accordance  with  structure  of  Chinesesentences.  In  the  end,  I  translate  the  new  sentence  in  line  with  Chinese  mode  ofexpression.

　　3.3 Liberal translation

　　Besides the methods I mentioned above, I used many other translation skills inmy translation. Among all of these methods, liberal translation impressed me most.

　　Liberal translation, a translation method, translates the thoughts implied but notsaid in the original. It is also called free translation and is characteristic of its faith tothe  original  ideological  content.  It  requires  translators  to  give  top  priority  to  thesmoothness  of  the  translation.  A  liberal  translator  is  allowed  to  change  sentencestructure  or  patterns,  but  he  can  not  make  additions  or  omissions  of  the  originalmeaning   at   will   which   means   liberal   translation   is   not   equivalent   to   randomtranslation. Here are examples of utilization of liberal translation in the course of mytranslation.

　　1. I felt like you today cramming in everything I possibly could and defying time.(P5)

　　Literal translation:我觉得今天的生活里充满了你，你在向时光挑衅着。

　　Liberal   translation:时间好像倒退到了过去，仿佛你今天一直在我身边。(myversion)

　　Literally, the word “cramming”  means “充满，塞满”. In this sentence,  we cansee that the author is given an illusion that her dead husband Martin is still around her.

　　I would rather use liberal translation “一直在我身边” than literal translation “充满了你” for the reason that liberal translation makes it more possible for me to show theauthor's  imagination  vividly.  Also,  the  first  version  is  so  broken  that  it  is  hard  forreaders to understand.

　　2.  Life  has  become  an  endless  line  of  these  secretive  people  with  mysteriousexplanations.（P5）

　　Literal translation:生活变成了无尽的乱麻，这些秘密的人解释着神秘的事儿。

　　Liberal  translation:生活像一团剪不断理还乱的麻线。我不知道明天谁会来修理什么，他们又会说着些什么天书一样听不懂的术语。(my version)

　　The word “secretive” suggests that electricians, plumbers or people from the gascompany may come in future. In accordance with liberal translation, I translate it into“我不知道明天谁会来”  instead  of  “秘密的人”.  In  fact,  “mysterious”  hints  that  theauthor is unfamiliar with the “explanations” and I translate it into “他们又会说着些什么天书一样听不懂的术语” to voice the author's opinion , rather than its originalmeaning  “神秘”.  Under  the  guidance  of  liberal  translation,  I  change  the  sentencestructure in order to conform to the principles of Chinese expression. By doing this,readers are able to understand the sentence without difficulties.

　　3. The evenings are crowded and stressed with obligations, having to reprimandthem in order to get them to do anything. (P15)

　　Literal   translation:为了让他们做一件事，每个夜晚都忙于义务，不得不训斥他们。

　　Liberal  translation:为了让他们做一件事，每个夜晚我都在忙碌，因为我背负着教育他们的责任和有时候不得不训斥他们的压力。(my version)

　　In the liberal translation, I make addictions “教育他们的责任” and “训斥他们的压力” to ensure the readers a better understanding of the situation that the author isbusy  with  the  education  of  her  children.  Liberal  translation  is  responsible  for  thecoherence  and  clearness  of  this  sentence.  Meanwhile,  it  is  more  acceptable  forChinese readers than literal translation. In this sentence, with the context, the secondversion  reveals  her  love  for  her  children  and  her  care  for  the  children's  educationwhile the first version does not.

　　4. Conclusion

　　I  hold  the  view  that  translation  is  a  tortuous  and  time-consuming  job.  Beforetranslating,  I  must  know  a  lot  about  the  author  and  the  background  of  the  original.

　　Then  I  need  to  read  the  original  for  many  times  since  patience  is  an  essentialrequirement for a translator. In the process of translation, I am confronted with twomain problems. One is that I have no idea of the translation of the implicit sentenceswhich  can  not  be  explained  in  words.  Another  is  that  I  am  struggled  with  thetranslation of the style of notes. I have overcome these difficulties with the help of myfriends, dictionaries and Internet as well as the guidance of my supervisor. I learn toapply such translation methods to the conversion of speech, division of long sentencesand liberal translation accurately. I found that I am not good at translating the Englishversion into an exquisite Chinese version. A good application of English language isstill far from being enough for a qualified translator. Therefore, I will spare no effortsto read impeccable Chinese master pieces to raise my ability of expression in Chinese.

　　ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

　　My deepest gratitude goes first and foremost to my supervisor × × for hisconstant   encouragement   and   guidance.   Without   his   consistent   and   illuminatinginstruction，this thesis could not have reached its present form.

　　Second，I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to my friends who gaveme  their  help  and  time  in  listening  to  me  and  helping  me  work  out  my  problemsduring the difficult course of the thesis.

　　Last, my thanks would go to my beloved family for their loving considerationsand great confidence in me all through these years.